Around 17 years ago, I was a wide-eyed and much more innocent gal, just graduated from my writing program. I was keen to get out into the world and prove I could earn a living so I dove into networking as a freelancer with incredible zeal. Armed with youthful enthusiasm and a stack of business cards from VistaPrint, I went out into the networking world, sure I would meet my dream client.
A local PR association hosted one event in particular. This one stands out in my memory, and not because I met my ideal client there. As I entered the room, I was immediately overwhelmed by the polished professionals who seemed to know each other intimately. They stood in groups discussing important PR issues like crisis communications and the latest trends in news releases (I assume, I didn’t close enough to them to hear the exact words).
I was feeling like an outsider when another attendee wandered over to talk to me. As we chatted, I felt more relieved that I wasn’t the only person feeling incredibly anxious. Until I asked a fateful question that unleashed a thousand horrors on me.
“How do you even decide who to talk to?” I innocently asked her.
“Oh, it’s not too hard, I just look for the most nervous looking person in the room and talk to them.”
Friend, I left the event a nanosecond later. It took years for me to go to another networking event, that’s how embarrassed I was! Everything she said confirmed my worst fears: that I was awkward, nervous, and an absolute disaster to be around. After that, I avoided all events where embarrassment was possible (which meant I avoided all events).
How we view networking as a freelancer is a problem
Networking as a freelancer feels like walking into a high school cafeteria at lunchtime and we’re all looking to sit at the popular table—or at least not be the ones seated in a corner by ourselves.
But by having high expectations of the networking event (I have to make 10 connections, I have to secure 3 new clients), we put extreme pressure on ourselves, which makes us nervous and even more prone to disaster. Or we react to any minor hiccup as though it’s a disaster and let it derail us (as I did that night).
Having done this a long time (and let’s be clear, I still don’t love networking events), I’ve realized that young Heidi made a few errors in her networking, which led to her perceived embarrassment.
Consider my humiliation a cautionary tale, and learn from my mistakes.
Here’s what I did wrong, and what you can do right.
Attending irrelevant events
Because I was knew in my career and needed to build my business, I wanted to get out there and meet everyone. As a result I signed up for events that had virtually no relevance to what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a freelance writer public relations has never been my strong suit. The topics they discuss at that event aren’t relevant to me, so I had nothing to add to any of the conversations going on around me.
You don’t have to go to everything, nor should you. If you try to attend everything, you’ll burn out, you’ll meet a lot of people you don’t want to work with, and you won’t learn the skills you need to develop. Be selective about the events you choose, by attenting:
- Events hosted by professional associations in the type of writing/editing you want to do.
- Industry events in the industry you want to write/edit in, especially if you have prior experience in that industry and can talk about it with others (for example, if you want to write/edit in finance, go to events hosted by financial associations that allow industry-adjacent professionals to attend).
- Local chamber of commerce events, but only if you want to work with local business owners. I’ve gone to plenty of chamber events in my time, but stopped because none of the other members were really in my niche.
Your energy is a precious resource. Manage it wisely.
Focusing on finding clients
I need clients to survive, so I saw every networking event as my last opportunity to meet people who would hire me for projects.
“If I don’t come away from this event with at least 15 business cards and meetings booked with 4 new clients, this event will be a failure and I will be a failure. My business will collapse and I will lose my home and all my friends” is the sort of catastrophic thinking I had.
How could anyone NOT be nervous with that sort of talk in their head?
Yes, you need clients to keep your business going. Of course you do. That’s why networking as a freelancer is important.
But telling yourself you’re a failure based on how you perform in one very high-pressure situation is a surefire path to destruction.
It’s like telling yourself before every first date that the date has to lead to marriage.
If you don’t walk away with 15 business cards or 4 new clients, you’ll feel like a failure and then you’ll give up on your business. Or you’ll go into every interaction with such intensity that people won’t want to interact with you.
Instead, I’ve view networking as an opportunity to get to know other people, hear about their work and lives, and build relationships with them. If they happen to want to hire me right away, great. But that rarely happens—just like it rarely happens that I meet a lawyer at a networking event at exactly the moment I need a lawyer.
You can’t control whether people need your services on the day they meet you. Instead, focus on getting to know people so that in the future, when they do need a writer or editor, they’ll think of you.
Trust me, that is what happens far more frequently.
Worring too much about judgement
Much like walking into the aforementioned high school cafeteria at lunch time, we tend to think everyone is watching us all the time, waiting to pounce when we humiliate ourselves. We forget that they have their own voices in their head driving their insecurities. Telling them they have to be successful. Worrying about their own humiliation.
When we network as a freelancer, we tell ourselves that we have to be perfect, charming, witty, brilliant, and fully put together or our business lives are over. Most people aren’t those things, and almost never all at once.
The truth is, most people are too focused on what’s going on in their head to worry about what we’re doing. They’re worried they’ll embarrass themselves somehow, or they’re worried about an upcoming project, or they’re thinking about what they need from the grocery store. They aren’t worried about you, unless you’re pressuring them to give you a business card cause you only have 10 minutes to get 8 more cards.
Most “humiliations” are so minor they’re forgotten by the next event. How many people even saw me leave that PR event? And even if they did, how many were actually thinking about it the next day? I can virtually guarantee that now, no one is thinking, “Hey remember that weird girl who left that PR event 17 years ago? Whatever happened to her?”
Almost no one is paying attention to you, except you. And you are much more critical of yourself than anyone else is.
Final thoughts on networking as a freelancer
Networking as a freelancer can be fun, and you can enjoy them. But putting too much pressure on yourself to “make or break” your business at each event isn’t conducive to being relaxed. And the more pressure you feel, the more nervous you’ll be. That comes across when you’re talking to other people.
Instead, go only to events that are relevant to you, focus on building relationships, and stop worrying about what other people think.
They’re busy trying to find clients for their business, too.
Want to read more tips on freelancing? Check out my other posts, “How to set boundaries with clients” and “Why do you want to start freelancing?” For tips on using keywords in your LinkedIn profile, get my free resource “6 Keyword Hacks to Boost Your LinkedIn Profile & Get Found by Clients.”